Last week was our "last week." We spent it in anger and sadness as we packed up our life together and put most of it in storage. We did, early on in the week, submit to our equal fertile moods and had our last sexual encounter.
We talked about it first, discussed whether it should be private masturbation, mutual masturbation or a 2 partner participation, chose to proceed and agreed that we could each handle it as a "means nothing" event and then we made out.
I feel/felt nothing when I kissed her. It used to be a rule of mine (way back in the beginning of my dating career with her... back in high school) that I would not kiss someone unless I was in love with them. I wished I could pull out this rule again but that would have killed the mood. I really got nothing out of it and it made me uncomfortable.
In the end she wouldn't let me "enter" which angered me considering we'd discussed it and ruled out masturbation. And I made the constant mistake that I always made by letting her complete before me. (This is a mistake because she gets goofy after orgasm and kills the mood.)
Then the week continued with lots of aforementioned sadness and anger and continued cuddling.
Sunday was our last full day together and our "divorce" finally hit me when she drove away that night and I realized that I had no idea when I'd see her again.
I was sad. And I was sad on Monday. And then on Monday night I posted a personal ad on Craigslist and received a few responses already.
Suddenly I'm not sure if I'm still sad or really into this feeling of independence.
Meanwhile... I have no place to live yet (other than a bed at my parents' house) and that's a little scary.
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