Huntin'

Following up - I did go on Friendster and looked at the detail of my first love's profile. She looks so happy with her husband and her son... who looks just like her. I find that slightly eerie. I did end up sending her a note. She responded and her response reminded me how dangerous it is to talk to her. She just has such a casual way of hurting me without even realizing that she can. The feelings for me are still there and I still get so upset when thinking about all of the lovers she's had since me and the life she has now.

The particular Craigslist guy who I had the brief "making love" fantasy about... sent me a more recent picture and he's much older than originally portrayed. I'm a little grossed out now.

I have since been on several outings with the Craigslist girl who I decided not to "date." Second outing was OK if not a little awkward. We hugged at the end. We went out again last night - she didn't even offer to walk me to my car or hug me... which I found weird. Now I'm wondering if she's mad or relieved or just preoccupied. We have remained in constant contact via e-mail though. I've suggested that we have a face-to-face meal. (Our first was on a bench - side to side. Our second outing, a movie. Our third outing, another movie and ice cream. We did sit in a booth while eating our ice cream and I noticed that she couldn't hold eye contact with me. Is it me? Is it her?... I'm weirded out. Making new friends is weird.)

Last night she proposed the following pact - "Sara - let's promise that if we ever answer each other's Craigslist add - the other one of us will just not respond." This makes me wonder - has she already found one of my more risque proposals online? Now I sort of want to hunt for hers.