It's a good thing that the HotttGirl lives far from me... I mean like the occasional "dropping by" aspect of a relationship or a "let's just get coffee" scenario are not likely. Which is a plus because who knows how I would react.
I went out with HotttGirl last Saturday. Sunday I could think about nothing but her. Monday... all her. Tuesday... all her. It was disrupting sleep. It was sick. I was haunting MySpace waiting for messages... waiting for IM's.... something! I just wanted to know if she'd enjoyed Saturday. Did I disapoint her? Did she still like me? Would she still flirt with me online? What was going on?!?!? By Wednesday I was almost angry... not angry at her per se, but angry that she had disrupted my being. By Thursday I thought I was getting over it... or at least enough of my sanity was returning.
She had been sending notes all this time - they just weren't as flirty as they had been. Or they were just answers to questions or references to conversations we'd had. They weren't long. They weren't ... promising. They just were.
But then Thursday, when sanity was returning, she sent a note that said, "If I had met you before my husband... hmmmmm.... sorry that was random." WHAT THE FUCK??? I was all at once thrilled... and broken. But it was Thursday... and sanity was returning. Had it been Wednesday, I would have thrown something. Tuesday, Monday or Sunday... I don't know what would have become of me. But with some sanity came my usual standard "insecure and pretending to be funny because I'm playing dumb" humor and I just wrote back, "Well, there's always that bitter divorce to look forward to!" And I was happy. She wrote back, "I'll cross my fingers." I wrote back, "I'll cross my eyes and toes and whatever else I can. WHATEVER unavailable married lady! I'll just move on to some other women in the meantime." I was kidding, yet not. Serious, yet just joking. But I did feel better.
And then I signed on to the IM client we both use and she immediately started talking to me. (Sometimes she doesn't see me.. or isn't really there... but this time she did and was and WANTED to talk to me.) She seemed excited to see me online. She began talking about how she was stalking me and reading the profiles of my online friends. She changed her Display picture to pictures of me. I was getting high off of her attention again. She made suggestions like if we went to the mall with some other friend that he could just leave us 'laying on the floor in the center of the mall.' She again repeated that she sorta wished she'd met me before her husband. She asked me to come visit when her husband left for the army (I said I would if she promised not to pull any of her hijinks!) and even suggested that I should live with her when he leaves so she wouldn't have to be alone (I didn't respond to that one). And then she began sending me more naked pictures again. (Actually, all in all I think there are about 5. And none of them are really X-rated ... they're all just tasteful nudes with no gritty close-ups.)
So she got me... all over again! But still - if I don't see her, the better. And I've never really talked to her on the phone except for when we were planning our last Saturday meet up.
Today I IMed with her and she revealed that she'd just gotten her period. Which makes me think that she was in a weird emotional place on Thursday - leading her to be extra needy. And the IM conversations... they're so .... awkward. I mean, in person she seems intelligent and normal. And online she seems 15 ... doesn't talk about anything really intelligent... talks in "text speech" ... writing things like "Sw33t" instead of "sweet" and hasn't heard of things that I think are pretty much in the news. I just can't tell if she's smart or not. And I value intelligence... or at least I think I do. I mean, apart from ALL of the other baggage and drama... would I ever respect her?
And still she's constantly in my head...
No comments:
Post a Comment