Salizzle McHellNo

The tale of Salizzle was a short one though very entertaining and somewhat dramatic. As a recap from the last blog - I met her through SoYeahUm's friend. Me, SoYeahUm, Salizzle and the friend went to a little coffee club to hear a singer. After the evening she gave me a hug which I unexpectedly liked. It wasn't "expected" because she was much older than me and not my type at all but I enjoyed her.. I guess her smell. The shampoo/perfume concoction and the way she hugged. I really don't know what it was. The next week she showed up to a group thing I belong to, sat and talked with me for a while and then at the end - gave me another one of those hugs.

When I got home that evening I'd received an e-mail from her asking me out - I politely declined - using HotttGirl as my excuse. I explained that I was really only attracted to bisexual girls (or at least not the full force man dyke that she came across as).

Continuing from there - Salizzle began a regular correspondence with me. She explained that something almost magical had happened when we'd met at that coffee house. When she saw me she started getting chills. When we hugged it drove her a little mad. She'd spent the next few days thinking only of me and meditating on why this was. Her conclusion was that we'd known each other in a past life. When I declined her date she meditated again asking the universe specifically, "Well why won't she go out with me? How did we know each other?" Her meditations led her to the answer that in a past life we were two guy friends and we'd fallen for the same woman. Somehow this love for this woman led to Salizzle's downfall/death/whatever. Who the woman is in this life - we don't know. I guess I was the winner but ... I don't know. Now I'm not one to totally discount this meditation because I do very much believe in reincarnation... and there was that hug. I can't say that I felt magic sparks or remembered her/him or the love we fought over... but there WAS something.

Anyway - we continued talking... she e-mailed (via MySpace) like two or three times a day and continued to show up to our group meetings. I told SoYeahUm that she was strictly not allowed to give Salizzle my real e-mail address because she was getting a little out of hand with her long-winded messages and always seeming to show up at events I would be at. Our group went to a movie - she was there. SoYeahUm invited me to a board game party - she was there. Etc. Etc. Etc.

Additionally - Salizzle was/is FUNNY however her humor always seems to be a little crude. While I do find her jokes funny I also find them a little uncomfortable because they just seem like they are coming from a person that is not comfortable in their own skin.

She explained this indirectly by talking to me about how she's always been a little on the psychic side. Not enough to be on TV and find lost kids but enough to get her into trouble by remembering little snippets of past lives involving me.

Salizzle continued to talk to me so at some point I felt it necessary to go into more detail about my "relationship" with HotttGirl. Salizzle was very concerned and started sending me messages about how my spirit guides asked her spirit guides to tell her and to pass on the message that getting involved with married people was dangerous. Well no shit! Especially when the husbands are military trained.

But I gave her the good "I know" and just let it be. I did figure that it was time to fill HotttGirl in on our "relationship" though so one night on IM (which we rarely do anymore) I told her all about Salizzle. We also spent the night talking about relationships and kissing and my lack of experience in that department. (Not that I have a lack of "experience" but rather a lack of "variety" ... you see I've only kissed two girls - my two ex girlfriends.) This night of chat led to HotttGirl posting a couple of comments on my page about "The next time I kiss you I'm gonna squeeze your butt more..." etc. This was supposed to be a "hey back off Salizzle" and a justification to the few lies I'd told to S about why I did not want to go out with her.

Around this same time I had posted one of those bulletin things where the question is "What would you say if you woke up next to me in bed?" I thought better of it AFTER I'd posted it but too late - Salizzle responded and said something to the effect of, "Am I dreaming, gorgeous? I hope I don't have morning breath." She sent it twice because she thought it failed the first time. This and she didn't repost it for all to see (like you're supposed to) - she sent it only to me. It was creepy. It was gross. I felt that something needed to be done so I responded kinda rudely and basically said that she'd disturbed me.

Well she responded with an e-mail telling me that I'd "been a woman too long" because I had just hurt her feelings like a woman would. I thought, "Shit! Now I feel horrible but at least she'll go away!!" She didn't go away but instead sent a message apologizing for her overreaction but we haven't exchanged many e-mails since. Rude as I was - I think she finally got the hint that I wanted her to back off. She still shows up at the monthly events with the group we belong to but now we talk only a little (in this life we're still just acquaintances). E-mails stopped. It also helps that a month or so ago I received a note from her telling me that she'd met her soulmate and now had this woman as a girlfriend.

(The last time I saw her she was telling me about how she was having her new girlfriend read my profile and how they both agreed I was funny. I wonder if I'll ever meet this girlfriend and if she'll be that mysterious girl we fought over in that past life.)