The Heathers - Heather 1

I think I'm going through an "H" period.

In addition to HotttGirl (who always somehow remains an element of this blog) there are two girls you haven't heard about, Heather and Heather. Yes, they're both named Heather! I differentiate them using their locations - so there is L.A. Heather and Texas Heather.

This entry is about L.A. Heather:

L.A. Heather is probably the only girl on MySpace that I found by myself. Usually I get strange add requests or, on the rare occasion, meet someone first but L.A. Heather was a profile I stumbled on to accidentally. We had some important common interests, she listed herself as bisexual (a key point for me) and she was just the shape and complexion that I find attractive! I added her in a heartbeat thinking, "Wow! She's perfect!" Her first set of "points" came from the question, "Why?" She wanted to know Why I wanted to add her - she wasn't just a two-bit MySpace "whore" who wanted a bunch of friends and didn't discriminate! So I told her - we have lots of things in common! She accepted my add.

Our interaction was very tentative. Since I added her - I had made the first move. This left me/leaves me on very unstable ground because I DON'T know if there is any attraction on her behalf.

Several months ago I posted a blog called a "dating resume" listing all of my dating strengths and weaknesses. She sent me a note that she liked the entry and was going to copy it and she proceeded to write one of her own. At first I wondered if it was a direct response to mine - like "well I know I like your attributes so before we go any further, here are mine ... and now the ball is in your court." I still wonder. That still could be the correct interpretation. Regardless, upon reading the dating resume I realized that this sweet-looking girl with all the common interests - was not as sweet as I thought. And there was something else too.

First let me just mention that she advertised her interest in certain fetish sexual acts ... something I am not familiar with but certainly nothing that would scare me away. But she attends meetings for them! Secondly, I learned she was rather outgoing (sexually) and that this may have been the result of mistreatment by her father. Red flags go up at this point because, well, I have a tendency to be insensitive to the plights of others. Thirdly, she listed that she was sick. Like really not well - she didn't outright say it but I interpreted it to mean that she had a terminal illness.

That really halted my forward momentum there. Not that I can't accept that there are terrible things in life, but like I said, this girl was perfect on paper... I was afraid that I could fall for her quickly and then my mind raced to the devasting end of a relationship in which she was dying and I was taking care of her. It was big. Heavy. I decided that, though perfect, I was simply not ready for that.

I continued to correspond (via occasional comment/message/blog reply/etc.) but never made a move, never indicated interest, never really did anything... though in thoughts she came up a lot. She occasionally sent invitations to me to go to things with her and friends - I always declined (schedule conflicts, just your average fear of socializing with strangers, etc.). Once she even sent a specific note inviting me to hang out with her since she was in the area (for school). I managed to be non-committal while saying "Yes." But it never happened... I never worked really hard at making it happen. I still didn't know what to do... and top that with my everyday average shyness.

Eventually I decided that I might want to go back to college to get a degree in art. (A second degree.) As it happens, and I knew this upon thinking about it, L.A. Heather attended (attends) the school I applied to. I created reasons for communication because of this coincidence. (Really, the school is about two blocks from my house and I have a friend that works in admissions who helped push paper through.) Part of me knows that I applied there strictly as an excuse to meet her. Talk about expensive dates!

So finally it was coming - our first meeting! I didn't know when it was going to be but I knew it was going to happen. By now she'd also already given me her number - in case I ever wanted to do something.

First day of school.. I'm wandering around in a panic... bulky school items... in line because of a problem with my account... don't know where my next class is... etc. etc. and then I hear in my ear, "Sara?" I turn and there she is.... inches from me... and prettier in person! I say something dumb to which she giggles politely and then I'm called on. I deal with the women at the window, turn to leave and tell L.A. Heather that it was good to run into her and that I'll see her around. I then proceeded to leave and had a mini-heart-attack before my next class started. Oh Christ! THIS is gonna be trouble!

A week or so goes by and we chat a little online and realize that she'll never be at school on the days that I'm there because of our current schedules... so if we want to do something we'll have to set it up for a weeknight during which we'll both be in town. Another few days pass and then one day that I randomly got off of work I received a text message from her asking me what my schedule was for the day. We exchange a few back and forth replies which lead to us decided to go get something to eat. I decide the texting is taking forever so I take a deep breath and call her and we set up a time.

I meet her at school where we have to wait in a computer lab for something to process and I can tell that she seems nervous. Somehow her being nervous really sort of empowered me and though I was also freaking out... I took the lead role in the situation because... somebody had to. While we waited and chatted I decided to log on to the good ol' MySpace to kill some time. There on my page was a semi-suggestive comment from Texas Heather which made me smile. Fun to read but BAD TIMING... especially if L.A. Heather was doing any MySpace stalking while SHE was waiting. But we continue...

The process ends and L.A. Heather and I grab up our stuff and we head to my car where I drive her to a restaurant for lunch. I think our conversation went rather well - we didn't seem to run out of anything to say and she, for the most part, really seemed to remain in that nervous state. I took it as a good sign.

We left, I returned her to her car, I said something stupid about "thanks for being my school friend," missed an opportunity to give her a friendly hug, she departed and that was it.

Afterwards I thought, "That was great," but then there was nothing! I consulted with my friend advisors (including Lincoln... who I've yet to explain to you), I posted a blog quiz thing that (if she read it) made it clear that I don't pick up signals well so if the "reader" is interested they'll have to let me know, made comments on her page that suggested I was following up on our food conversations and etc.

Still nothing.

Lincoln advised me that if I really wanted to see her again that I had to continue taking the lead and send her some kind of message letting her know that I had fun and that I'd like to do it again.

Nothing.

On MySpace you can check to see if someone's read something... she'd read it. Nothing.

After about a week of nothingness (during which time Lincoln ALMOST convinced me to send a "oh well then nevermind" sort of note) L.A. Heather posted a rather personal blog about how she'd spent the last week ill, suffering and the doctors had given her more bad news.

So I forgave her for her nothingness. How could I not? But as days went on and she posted more bulletins and changed her page and etc.... in any of those days when she was feeling good enough to do those things... she could have sent some small note. And she hasn't.

My fear is that my "taking the lead because you're nervous" attitude... topped by her actual nervousness... really unsettled her normally outgoing/social/leader ways. Or maybe she saw the note from Texas Heather... or maybe the little jokes and comments on my page about being a "Playa"... or maybe she just didn't find me attractive. Who knows? I don't... because there has still been NOTHING.

And THAT brings us up to current on L.A. Heather.