The Heathers - Heather 2

Looooong ago and yore and forescore ... I had an image of NOT ME up on MySpace. It was a picture of a girl that kinda/sorta looks like me but isn't ... and in this picture this actress was wearing a hat.

Well one day I received a message from a random gal - average in cuteness with a pretty blank profile and only one image up. An image of her playing chess. The message read something like, "Girls in hats are hot!"

I wrote back explaining that while, in fact, the girl in the hat was hot - she was not, however, me.

The girl wrote back and apologized and explained that the message was not actually from her, it was from her friend that was just goofing off on the site with her. They'd found my page and she'd remarked on how cute the picture was (it really was sort of an oddball pic) and the friend had sent the message before she could stop her.

This was my introduction to Texas Heather.

Well Texas Heather and I had very few interactions and on the rare occasion ... primarily because she didn't visit the site much. When she did we'd carry on a conversation through messages but, all in all, I did not know very much about her. Other than that she liked chess. (She only ever had that one picture of her playing chess.) When we did chat I'd take a moment to consider her. (And by "consider" I mean "ask myself if I think she likes me and if she likes me do I like her and could anything come of it" etc. etc.). The conversations were rarely very deep and not very informational. (It was months into our acquaintanceship before I even found out that she had a son.)

One night it so happened that Texas Heather and I were online at the same time and she began telling me a story about how there was this girl that she liked but this girl had a friend and one thing led to another and she'd ended up sleeping with the friend. But not just "sleeping with her"... she described it as "all night sex." ALL NIGHT SEX?? I was intrigued! (And I figured "OK I'm out of the running but whatever we'll be friends and I WANT GOSSIP!") So she told me about the experience and about how she wanted something of it but the girl talked about how she didn't want a relationship and now things were totally ruined with the other girl she liked and things were all around messed up! Sad! But juicy gossip just the same. (Not that I had anyone to tell or even knew who she was talking about.)

And we just continued to chat. And then again she went absent.. as she fairly often did.

Then she popped up again one day and it happened to be one of those days when I had posted one of those occasional "Ask me 6 questions and I promise to answer honestly" bulletins. So I received a note from her asking 6 random questions! Well fairly random. Question number 5 was "Do you think I'm hot?" And Question number 6 was "Would you find me hot if I was wearing pink leotards and a polka dot shirt because that's what I'm wearing right now!" (I answered in the affirmative but I really only had the one picture to go off of.) And after sending that she sent another message telling me that, out of fairness, I could ask her six questions too.

Thus began our "courtship".

For a few weeks it became VERY EXCITING to log in to the good ol' inbox because the questions were going back and forth and it was QUICKLY devolving into questions of a sexual nature. Sure there were some deep ones and interesting ones and lots of random ones but also ones like, "Have you ever been tied up?" "Are you a top or a bottom?" Etc. She'd also put a couple of new pictures - more recent ones and they seemed cute. (But you know... we only put up the good ones so who knows REALLY.)

The girl I thought of as this semi-innocent chess player was NOTHING like I'd imagined her. She was bold. She was organizing social forums and drag king shows that she hosted. She was interesting.

And while I found her interesting and the whole heated sexual questioning was fun... I knew she wasn't my type. She wasn't someone I'd even run into or talk to in real life. We had pretty much NOTHING in common. (Oh and I also found out that blah blah blah she was bi and had a boyfriend that she was breaking up with and then found out she was pregnant but was like "whatever i'm still breaking up with you" and that's how the son (3 years old?) came into the picture.) But BI! I love my bisexual women!

(This, mind you, was ALL HAPPENING WHILE I was getting excited about meeting L.A. Heather, and then going on the ambiguous "date" with L.A. Heather, and L.A. Heather was potentially reading the "hey sexy" comments on my page etc.)

And then suddenly it all came to a stop because her computer broke. She came back online maybe two weeks later and sent me a message with her phone number...asking me to maybe call or at least send text messages.

It was another week or so before I finally got up the nerve and sent her a note via phone. And just this week she's started sending me pictures of herself and her kid. Last night she sent pictures of "Hi Sexy" written on her legs in lipstick. Tonight - video of her house.

And here is where it maybe gets complicated (as if the whole thing isn't ALREADY COMPLICATED with her being not my type and several states away from where I live) - the pictures from her phone... they're not like the ones on the internet. She's dyed her hair, the cut is different, she looks like a different person... a person that I don't find as attractive. A person that I would probably never talk to (not that I talk to a lot of people to begin with). And the video... her voice was deeper than I expected. Hmmm... thinking back... she hosted that "drag king" show. Even though she described herself as a "bottom"... maybe she is "the guy" in a relationship. It really is hard to tell... while I describe myself as being exactly in the middle on that butch/femme scale... I would also sorta consider myself "the guy" ... and I once dated another "guy" and that whole experience was AWKWARD. So I tend to worry about that sort of thing now.

So, in summary, it's been several weeks since the questions stopped. The texts and pictures have just started. Phone calls will likely soon follow. I actually sent her a longish e-mail about my ambiguous date with L.A. Heather but... since her computer's broken I'm pretty sure she hasn't seen it. And I'm in a position of WANTING to send her messages like "hi cutie" and "hey sexy" and "love your hair!" but ooops... I don't think she's as cute. I don't think she's sexy. And I don't love her hair. But I can't say those things obviously.

So... I guess... how do I slow this boat down? I'm worried that the next thing I'll know she'll be packing up some bags and coming to visit me.

And the OTHER thing... while its fun to flirt with my married girls and bi-moms (cuz there's another one that I think is hitting on me) ... the LAST thing I actually want to do is date a girl with a kid.

I don't really deal well with kids. And I'm far far far away from being able to support or raise one.

The fact of the matter is... I just want to be the type of girl that can have some meaningless sex with some girls looking for fun. The dilemma being that I'm conflicted about that entirely ... since I'm not really comfortable with a lot of people and CERTAINLY not comfortable with my body. So I come off as super-charming (in my own opinion) and get girls to like me... but once they like me.... meaningless sex is out of the question. Bad news for me.

So what I want from Texas Heather is maybe a bunch of dirty e-mails, some dirty phone calls and maybe JUST MAYBE ... a visit for some physical stuff ... but NOT a relationship. Not a "you're so beautiful" set of e-mail exchanges. Not a weird long-distance thing... hell I know enough about internet dating to know that the chemistry online isn't always tangible in real life. A meeting is vital. I won't write her entirely off (or I should say that I won't write my attraction to her, or lack thereof, off) until we've met in person ... but in the meantime ... how do I pause this?